I lost all trust in that moment. I saw him with his new girl. It was all a lie! How could I have believed any of it after all that time had passed? I felt like an idiot and most of all I was the one who looked like a fool not him. He told me this wouldn't happen straight to my face and I believed him. I let it drag on and on over the months and deep down I knew it was over but how could I let those kinds of feelings go? I need to just let it go, but how can I when he betrayed my trust and turned me into the betrayed? Let me start my story from the beginning:
I don't know how but I fell for him. I was truly in love and I was only 15. We talked about everything and anything. We would spend our hours talking about anything. He met my family and most importantly my father. He went to most of my basketball games just to watch me play. I really thought things couldn't get any better and I suppose that's why they got worse. I spent three months of my life with that guy just to watch as he left me behind with all his lies he had told me.
My life had been going good. I had a good guy in my life or so I thought. He really did mean a lot to me he was everything. I mean just to make matters worse; he was my first boyfriend and my first kiss, the first guy for me to introduce to my dad. He meant a lot but after what he did to me, I could care less about him. How could all the feelings he said he felt for me just disappear? It just amazes me that he could lie straight to my face and walk away without feeling a single drop of guilt.
My jaw dropped and my heart fell apart at the words he was telling me. "I have to, I have no choice." This was the reason he gave me for leaving me. "My grades are low and I was told to break up with you, I can't have a girlfriend as long as my grades are low" he told me. "Ok I understand" I said as I walked away with tears on the verge of falling to the floor. I understood that he couldn't have me for a girlfriend until his grades improved. So I thought to my self I could wait for them to improve.
Then the lies continued because oh yes his grades went back up but no he didn't come back to me. Instead he told me that he wasn't allowed to have a girlfriend at all until the next school year. Again he crushed me, not because of his words but because of what they meant. To me they were all just a huge lie. As I said though, I was in love. I had my heart on him and my head couldn't control my feelings. So again I waited, I waited a whole school year on him and I know when I look back at it now that was the most stupid thing I could have done at that point.
It turned into my sophomore year of high school. A whole year had passed and he was stuck in my head. I still can't believe I had let a year of my life pass by like that. I was truly miserable. I had completely shut down guys in their tracks once they tried to get to know me. I had feelings for only one of them and he wasn't staying true to his word and I wasn't leaving. After a while I just felt like he was using me. Just going to other girls and once he got bored of them he would come back to me because he knew I would still be there by his side. I couldn't take it anymore but I didn't do anything about it.
Then I finally believed he was going to come back to me. I had heard some rumors that he was secretly missing me too. "I still like you" is what he came up and told me one day. I couldn't believe it, all my waiting around had finally paid off because my babe was finally going to be mine again. I was ecstatic that whole day and everyone noticed. I was back to my old self. When I look back now it feels like I was set on autopilot for a year and that makes me feel sad to think about.
I thought we were getting back together. One day I saw him at school and with him was his new girlfriend. I was so disgusted. I knew once everyone saw him with her they would think I looked like a big fool. After I stayed by his side for that long and even offered him another chance. Now I have to see that new connection between him and another girl every day. At first I couldn't stand the thought of coming to school and seeing them kiss. I told my friend, "I can handle holding hands and hugging, but once I see them kiss, that's just going to crush me!"
Then one day I saw them, kissing. I felt like running away to just lay down somewhere to cry! I was crushed I had never felt that much pain. I think it really did help me to move on though. That's what I did when I saw that. In that single moment I had the courage to move on I lost all fear about how a guy might rip a hole through my chest again. I went home and I didn't go lie down and cry I continued on with my life. I let things be. My favorite part is that I actually started talking to my guy friends again and now I'm getting closer to one of them. I really feel like I can be in a relationship with him and not have a constant fear burdening me about being left with a broken heart again.
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